What serves you?

Is it the positive stories we tal about ourselves and others? Is it only the good behaviors such as regular trips to the gym, healthy eating, and meditation? Is it simply the things that feel good? Yes, these all serve us. And yet….

I’m seeing much clearer the ways that the very things opposite those above serve me. How the internal critic, constant judging and comparing, expressions of laziness serve me. They serve in a very different way than we tend to think, but serve they do.

They are protectors. Of identity, safety, comfort. Against fear, risk, vulnerability. It’s a bit vogue today to talk about the need for vulnerability, and we do indeed have a need for that. But I’m learning something in myself: pushing past the defenses to get to the vulnerability (or courage, or discomfort) can backfire. Pushing generally triggers an energy against the defenses. But the defenses are actually serving something. They aren’t simply to be gotten rid of. They need acknowledgement. They need honoring.

There is a kind of remarkable intelligence in them. It’s a bit of a paradox. Of course, Reverend angel Kyoto williams says that you know something is true when it’s a paradox1.

Not much else to say about this right now. This is about as far as my inquiry has brought me.

  1. Big time paraphrase here.

May 26, 2019