9/16/2019

A bit on a full life

I’ve been finding myself reflecting on my life. On choices, and on dreams. Like most of us, I can see a few different phases of the life I’ve lived. In each of them, I can see things that there were choices I made that led me to this moment. I can also see things that went unfulfilled. To be clear, I’m not sharing this from a place of wanting pity, or from some kind of depression. I share it because it is true.

Yes, this means that there are things to grieve. Without a doubt, there is much for me to be grateful for. But I’m seeing more and more clearly that there are things I left behind that were important to me. It is important for me to reclaim some of them. But the first step toward that is to grieve their loss. A loss at a time in which a decision was made (mostly unconsciously…though on occasion too consciously for me to really be comfortable with) that leaned toward safety. In a couple of circumstances, toward what I thought was survival. I see it differently now.

We’ve all got this. Some more than others, but it should be familiar territory to us all. Our lives are mysteries, and if any of us could truly know what to do and when, well, it would probably actually be rather boring. Yet, if we want to live the lives that are our birthright, then identifying the things that are important, and finding a way to connect to them is critical. It is a part of living a full life.

I don’t want to get to the end of my life and find that I just lived the length of it. I want to live the width of it as well.
Diane Ackerman

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