There’s a proposal out there. We1 put it together over the course of a week or so. The turn around was fast. That was five weeks ago. We’ve been waiting ever since. Honestly, I’ve been surprised that we’ve had to wait, as I figured that the fast turn around indicated that they wanted to move on it quickly. That said, it is a government project.
So, we wait.
I did a small amount of work for a client. There is some possible work that could continue out of what we did together. I put together my thoughts and sent it over to him. There are a number of things on his plate right now, some of which require his immediate attention, so his not getting back to me yet isn’t surprising.
So, I wait.
Right now feels like a waiting time. It feels like most of what I can do to affect change on the things before me has been done. There isn’t much on my plate to do. I notice a kind of panic peak its head into my awareness: having nothing to do isn’t valued. What is valued is a mile-long to-do list. What is valued is being so busy that you can’t think straight. Having too many emails to respond to. Not getting enough rest.
That’s not my reality at the moment. What is is the space of waiting2.
I was talking with my friend Tara the other day. I mentioned this waiting to her, and she said, “Well, we can wait, and we can wait engaged.” These words flowed into me. To be engaged in our waiting feels quite relevant. Here’s what I think it doesn’t mean: I think it doesn’t mean checking your (my) email every two minutes to see if there’s word on the proposal. I think it doesn’t mean crafting stories in your (my) head about why the email hasn’t been responded to; why the phone hasn’t rung.
I think that to wait engaged means that we stay connected to the energy we have sent into the universe, while noticing what is in front of us now. What is called for? What is the next step for us to take in our being? Is it to read? Is it to make another call? We stay present. We stay, as Tara would say, close to the bone. We stay connected with ourselves. Myself.
We live in a culture that prizes the doing. The waiting pulls us toward the being side of this particular polarity. This is a part of my current practice. Where is my waiting? How do I remain engaged?
Where is yours? How do you?
Let’s be honest, I had very little to do with it. I owe a debt of gratitude to one of my colleague’s for taking on the burden of doing the work of putting it together. I can’t emphasize enough how much I dislike working on proposals.↩
It occurs to me that I might be talking about a couple of different things right now. I’m okay with that for the moment.↩